ever the go

December 18, 2014

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trauma festers

December 17, 2014

trauma festers
in the mind
sequestered
from healing
by fear
that old,
unvanquished,
beast

that adrenaline
& cortisone
one,
two,
sucker punch,
knock out,
then collapse

can you see the faint outline of wings?

can you smell the pyre before it begins?

can you feel the heat of the Phoenix incoming?

can you see the ashes on the wind?

cyclic trap for
the alleged mind controller
as it’s held hostage by
chemical neuronic messengers
gone all out of wack
they’re not even demanding
any ransom
perfectly content
to wreck havoc

escape always close at hand
but distorted
for there’s no freedom
in the prison
of a mind
every single second
is sometimes
torture

and we visitors
sit helpless
during visiting hours
sometimes
being forced into
prison uniforms
& are
the wardens
or sometimes even
the prisoners ourselves

not yet;
maybe someday,
when we understand the brain
we can finally fully heal such trauma
teach the brain to repair itself

now
at best:
we minimize the symptoms of distress

now
at worst:
(deep breath)
how many have we lost?
how many have we still to lose?

what cost is there even measurable besides the entropic heaviness of the missing to the grieved living?

what Hope can we offer those still in turmoil?

we can cry forever
in our silent shame
or
we can band together

we can abandon
those
who need us most
or
we can hold on
& share our
communal strength

we’ve already lost far too much

(grim lips, set chin, tear-stained cheeks, deep breath)

is it the weight of grief felt fully that lets a tear drop fall?

put your worry on pause

December 16, 2014

put your worry on pause
my darling
just because
your smile rocks
& lights up the dark

wraiths in the plain day play

December 15, 2014

things I’m supposed to recall today
I cannot carry into tomorrow
they fade away

wraiths in the plain day play
haunt me in the usual way

appearing for a moment
suspended long enough
to seem familiar
but disappearing
before I recognize
the taste
on the tip of my tongue

among the fog
I am the mistiest of us
I am all murked up

blue eyes in the haze
where the days
belong to no one

jagged

December 14, 2014

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dawn set out as failure

December 13, 2014

dawn set out as failure
& try as you might
you ride the tides
never making it ashore
ignoring
the rising sea floor
you wish for gills-
you’re no amphibian
the sun
can’t penetrate
this deep

my darling

December 12, 2014

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how I long to hear your voice

December 11, 2014

how I long to here your voice
calling my nickname
out just once more
just once more

in those baritones
I always sounded like music
and I’m afraid
there will be no music
without you here

perhaps the melody will just change
to a more haunting refrain
because I would rather cry
from the pain of missing you
than forget you ever walked
across these plains

there’s something beyond the loss
that calls
something beyond the cost
that yet remains

I still feel you
I still know you love me
I still love you

I just wish I could see you again
and sit with you in our
comfortable silences

I feel that I abandoned you in the end
and I am sorry

I miss my twin soul
I miss my friend
but what’s more is I love you beyond all this physicalness

I love you wherever you’ve gone
And somehow beyond the impossible
I feel loved in returned

so if E=mc(squared) then
our love
the energy of our connection
is equal to
our physical existence

and perhaps love is
what carries on after we’re dust
I can’t know for sure now
but I do know

I love you beyond any barriers

I love you
beyond death
beyond life
beyond grief
beyond loss

I love you as I always have
I love you as I always will

and I can feel you on the returning end

I just miss you my dearest friend

you always see

December 11, 2014

you always see
what you wanna see
that’s why hearts
always
make the leap

love is best done
fast & sweet
fools always
make better lovers

old toy truck

December 10, 2014

old toy truck
all broken up
can be separated
metal from a plastic chassis

still young hands
hold you gently
delight in your
unique composition

playful minds to hold dear
your clever ability
to avoid rocket blasts
by splitting right in half

old toy truck
all heroed up by
tiny little hands
and big imaginations


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